What if they don't?

Ok, so today starts the 12 day weaning process of ACTH aka "Liquid Gold".  I'm excited yet hesitant about it.  I am so looking forward to seeing my baby's breathtaking smile and hear his chuckle but I am so scared of a relapse.  Sometimes they go away and never come back.  Sometimes they go away and reoccur down the road, usually within 3 months.  Sometimes this isn't so bad as a second treatment could take them away again.  I tell Zach my fears asking him, "what if they come back?" to which he replies, "what if they don't?"  I need to take that attitude of "what if they don't?"  Gage deserves this attitude from me.  He's showed time and time again that he is not giving up, that he is here to fight.  My sister tells me that my thought process is my heart's way of protecting itself from the worst.  That by imagining that the worst will happen I can prepare myself for the onslaught of horrible emotions that will occur if that "worst" happens.  I know that I need to NOT do this.  God tells us to live and think of only good things.  Owen told me yesterday on the way home from school that when Gage is 6 and he's a teenager (his math is a little off ;o) ) that Gage will have to sleep on the bottom bunk and he will stay on the top so that when he wakes up from a bad dream he can tell his baby brother, "It's all right baby boy, it's only a dream.  Nothing will happen to you."  I told him how sweet that is but how that's what we always tell him and he doesn't listen.  He looked at me point blank and said, "Well, maybe that's because you don't let me have cookies in bed."  Yeah, kid that's why.  Silly boy.  He keeps me grounded a lot of the time when Zach is off at work.  But that conversation did get me to thinking about the future and how there was no hesitation in his voice that Gage would be able to walk and talk and tell him things.  That his prognosis was without a doubt AWESOME.  God wants us to believe in him like the little children do, without thought, without doubt, so I'm going to try to follow after my oldest and believe without hesitation that only good things are in store for our family and for Gage.